I stopped counting two years ago. It stopped making me happy. Instead of giving me life, it started giving me a sense of emptiness and the feeling that if i was the only one who even cared, then what was the point?

I'm still having these back and forth feelings. I don't know where to go from here. It's been (almost) 7 years and i don't even know if i should leave it behind. The problem is that i've stopped feeling reassured by the place where i should feel the most comfort.

I feel as if i were on top of a high tree without knowing if i'm going to have something cushioned to fall back on if i leap. That's just it. I'm afraid to leap and find out that i'm falling on the shitty ground.

It's been years of negative outcomes that i don't know if i've damaged my trust completely. I'd just like to know for once that it's safe to leap. I'd like to know that i didn't waste my time. I got so used to disappointment that it's all i know. I completely forgot what it's like to feel safe.

Frankly, I'm afraid. I'm afraid to make a mistake and i just wish that someone would tell me that it's going to be okay.

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