There's a part of me that just wants to get rid of the Chevy and just buy a reliable used car that isn't going to leave me broke. I work hard, at it doesn't seem fair to put all of my money into a car that i'm beginning to hate more than anything else. I don't know how things are going to go. It's really hard to find another job right now and i found out that AAFES is a little harder to get into than i thought. Of course i'm going to keep trying but in the mean time, there's got to be something else i can do while that does or does not happen.

I always had extra money in the bank but for the last 4 months or so, i found myself tightening up my pockets. Mom just didn't understand whenever i'd hesitate to spend. She'd take my car and waste my gas, then i would have to fill it up again or that day when i paid the bill for everyone at IHOP or even my brother's birthday present which i was happy to give but it was also the thing that has be more broke than ever before. She'd laugh it all off but only i knew how much i could or could not spend. It's easy for her now, because she hasn't worked since she was 21 and dad has always provided for her. Sure, she knew right along with dad when i was little how hard it was. They had to ask for rides or walk long distances and slept on the ground and dad had to work two jobs for a long time....but that was years and years ago. I was so little. Things have changed. Money doesn't go as far as it used to.

I'm trying to put it out of my mind. My head hurts right now. I haven't cried yet, but i might next month if i can't make my payments.

I wish i had money. I wish i could throw away all of my old clothes and get something pretty to wear every once in a while. I Wish i could afford to put $20.00 every week in a jar and save up enough to take the trip i was planning with Ashley...The trip that i was more than happy to go to with all of my heart. Then, i could afford to stay for a few days and not have to worry about coming home so fast.

I wish i could save enough vacation time and not kill myself working for measly amounts of it that you can't do anything with. The center of everything is money and i hate that so much. I hate that you need money for every single little thing in life. You can't go anywhere without having to spend some sort of amount.
I hate that my potential happiness depends on a trip that requires money.

All my worries have to do with money, and i hate that i'm crying and wiping away tears with the back of my hand while trying to type this.

I wish that for once things wouldn't be so hard for me.

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