It's as if though anything that was said or promised to me fades out and i am back where i started. The thing is, i vowed to stop it.

I vowed to stop concentrating on my feelings -even if they get hurt- and just let the other person go. BUT, i also said i wouldn't keep quiet when something in fact bothered me. I hate the idea that i have to keep things bottled up inside for the sake of not "bothering" the other person.

You have a right to know when you're being an ass-hole, but sometimes i admit that i do get out of line. I become unreasonable but thanks to some years of dealing with all sorts of loops and turns and disappointments, within minutes i can now realize if i am being a fucking idiot.

I hate that i become this person, but please realize that it's not coming from a bad place. I just hate feeling lied to. It frustrates me when all kinds of things are said and in the end, it all goes to hell. I wonder why, I wonder why people hurt each other this way but i guess it's part of life. Sometimes we hurt people without meaning to. Sometimes we don't handle things perfectly, we avoid it and it turns into a dumb-ass mistake.

I should cut more slack. I should just learn to let go. That's my problem when i care too much. I don't want to lose anyone. There's a part of my body that emotionally claims a little piece of whomever. Caring too much leads to some negative things come let-down time. Cause people do let you down even when they don't mean to.

I should get used to the idea that this might happen. I just need reassurance from time to time. I get scared- because i don't want to lose anyone.
It would hurt to know i could lose friends in the process.

I have to be braver and not care TOO much about things i can't control.
Shit happens and i have to deal with it as it comes.

xoxoxoxoxo.

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