The Spectator/Pink Elephant.
Yesterday afernoon Ashley and i went out to our local Starbucks. It's very small and i never really go there but when we went in, it felt crowded so i couldn't sit down and relax with her even if i wanted to.
We grabbed ours to go and headed out to the car right away. Before she had even picked me up, she told me we would be going to her friend Sonia's house. She had some nice sprays and lotions to sell. We got to her neighborhood and got out of the car but it felt like we were on some secret mission of sorts. It was dark and we knocked on her door. I felt like i was there to buy crack or something. I went in, still sipping what was left of my cold drink and stayed close behind Ash.
As soon as i walked in, i saw a table full of products and things, then my eyes went to all the vibrators. Woah.
I was surprised at how much Ash had bought from her before...but then again when you think about it, she's got an actual sex-life. Inside the catalog there were lotions, sprays and provocative outfits for role play. My eyes went from here to there but something inside of me felt like i was an intruder. I have no sex life. There is no one i can wear those outfits for. The only thing i could use were the vibrators but even then, it felt weird.
She showed me all the different kinds, urged me to touch them and put them up to my nose to get the sensation and i did. I was all for trying.
The one that caught my attention the most was a tiny, tiny vibrator that you could hide in your hand easily with a headphone-like chord attached almost like the size of a pill. It vibrated powerfully. Then came the confession.

I told her i was a virgin. Yes, the "V WORD"
You'd think i had told her i just killed someone because the look on her face was priceless.
"Really?", she said.
"Yup" I responded.
I wasn't sure i should of said anything, but not because i was ashamed of it but because people now look at you like a plague if you announce you are not sexually active.
I'm not a saint by any means. I've actively masturbated since i was 12 or 13 to get me through the natural antsy feelings of wanting sex but not having it.
People just automatically assume that if you don't have sex that there's something wrong with you or that you're insane but some of us are virgins by choice. In my case, I'm 50% by choice and 50% because i haven't found the right person to give myself to. I won't even kiss you if i don't like you. That's how picky i am.
Sure i'm 24 and most people on the street would assume i've lost my virginity long ago but i haven't. The lotions and sprays and even the lip gloss smelled good but i wouldn't buy the majority of this stuff until i was married.
I'd only ever consider buying a vibrator.
Then the woman said something along the lines of "Well, yeah...you'd like this because we all know how much you love doing that with the shower head..."

I kind of froze then looked back at Ash. "You told her?", i whispered.
She shook her head.
"What...everyone does this...", the woman said.
Then i preceded to tell Ash: "See? I told you. Lots of women do it"

Regardless of my activeness in that area, i was still the big pink elephant in the room. I didn't belong there and i knew it. I wasn't uncomfortable but i felt all this stuff was meant for people who were sexually active and i wasn't. I just wanted Ash to get her things and leave. I'm comfortable talking about sex with Ash, she's my best friend and the only person besides Sarah who knows absolutely everything about me.

Ash says she wishes she was still a virgin like me. She admires me but i don't know how many people would actually take it back if they could. Once you go there you can't ever go back. That's why i wait. That's why i bite my tongue.

I had never seen so many fake penises in my life but i was fine about it. I'd never go to a party of hers though because she also hosts them for people to buy. I just went to support my best friend in her quest for products and things for her own sex life. I'm just the spectator for the moment but that's fine. When i have sex, i intend to remember my first time and i intend to love whoever he may be.

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posted on 2011-12-02 @ 1:21 p.m.