I'm There.
I was surprised to know that K.L. missed me, thought of me and was happy that we are talking again even if it's slow pregress. I brought up the idea of the road trip again when i e-mailed her back. She actually replied to the e-mail i had sent her last week. I was already planning to e-mail her anyway but she beat me to it and i didn't want to bombard her with messages. I'm excited about the possibility of this without the rush of it. I hate having a time limit, so i'm looking at this in a positive light and if it's going to happen, it's going to happen at the right time, even if we had to drive a little further. I wasn't so relaxed last night. I knew i was going to have trouble sleeping because i needed to be up by 5.a.m and i'm kind of a night-owl but the thought of this trip was also keeping me awake. I guess you can call it one of my flaws. Sometimes i think more than i should. I learned to let go of most of that realizing in the end that worrying about things in my head wasn't going to make them better or worse. Choosing my emotions instead of being prisoner of them kind of thing. It's better that way and i've found that it works. Sometimes i think we have that misconception that we can't control the inner workings of our hearts so we let go and let them take over our lives when really, we do have control and we can push past them. I learned that in the last 9 months or so. I took control this time, and feel amazing. I feel even more alive inside than i ever knew before. I live, i smile, i'm happy and i don't need to have someone by my side to make me feel like a whole person. I learned to be whole first, then after that, a good relationship will follow and it will be stable and long lasting. That's what i'm aiming for, but i'm also not pushing for it either.
So, y'know i'm kind of looking forward to this if it happens. I'm content to know that K.L. still loves me and cares for me. I'm just glad i've gotten to this point in my life. I honestly never thought i'd get here but making the choice for myself to finally be okay was the best decision i could of ever made and i know that no matter what, i'm worth it...and it's not because i think i'm better than anyone, but because i'm secure enough in myself that i have nothing but good things, good love, and a positive attitude to offer anyone who ever wants to be with me :)

XOXOXOXOXO.

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posted on 2011-09-15 @ 8:50 p.m.