It's too cold to brave this...
It's early, i know. The cold here currently is unbearable. They delayed our truck until 8am but it doesn't seem to get any better outside. My street looks like a skating rink.
In Texas it's a big deal, you know? We're not used to such weather incidents and nobody wants to risk getting hurt. I just got off the phone with Dianna and she told me she was not going. Apparently, no one is there yet because she got no answer.
I think i'll call them around 7:15 or 7:30 at the latest. I decided. I'm not going.

It's hard to even stay completely asleep when you have that on your mind but i did manage to dream. I was having one of those dreams where i was searching for Daniel again. I knew he was around; i just had to find him. I got a couple more people involved in my search. In the parking lot of this college-looking building, i saw Lenny
-my VW bug- parked there and i remember telling one of the girls that was there that it was my car only in the real and physical world, Lenny isn't my car anymore.

In the dream, i also ran into my paternal grandfather. I smiled when i saw him and ran to hug him. I told him i was here in college then left him on his way. (That was brief.) I also found myself in a little room where a character from one of the spanish soaps i watch was flirting with another girl. (That was weird)....
and in the window over, i saw Mohammed ( a boy who became a good friend of mine in Highschool and and whom i also had kind of a crush on my Sophomore year) and i waved at him and he waved back.

I also saw that Karen Shelly (our Kohl's payroll person and coffee maker extraordinaire) was in charge of this room i was in.

I finally gathered up the other two ladies i was with and then stopped in front of a classroom with those long-ish classroom windows on the door. Inside, i saw Daniel. I stopped because i wasn't sure that i should go in. My heart was pounding and i feared that if i went in, he'd run away. Most of the dreams i have of him involve me trying to find him in crowds or public places. In the dreams i'm always afraid and i'm always helpless....and in the end whenever i DO find him, he smiles at me, holds me and he doesn't let go.

I think that's always been my fear with him...
that for some reason i always feel like he's in a way running or maybe that's just my subconcious fear because i believe in my mind that he wants to run away from me. I always felt that because he's been in and out of contact sporadically for the last 3 years and with him, just just never know. You never know if he'll call you, text you, hate you, tell you he loves you...he's a mystery to me in many ways. Somehow, logically speaking, i don't think he does want to run, but that a slight fear is keeping him away.
B. told me that guys his age want to be free, feeling like they're not tied down and in some bizarre way, it hadn't occurred to me that he might really enjoy his freedom. I would never want to keep him from that, even though i love him.

I didn't get to finish this dream. I wish i had and i'm not the type of person that can go back to sleep and pick off where i left off.
It is now 7:04am and i'm going to call and see if any manager has arrived to work yet. I'm definately not going.
Too Risky.

After this, I'm going back to bed. It's dark, freezing and i don't want to get out of bed. There's no way i'm going out there.

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posted on 2011-02-02 @ 6:38 a.m.