Mooch and Earl Sunflower Style

Saturday in the Park with Anthony.

Mom initially asked me to invite Jay over for my dad's Birthday BBQ thing. I don't know that it was such a good idea; it was too soon to be inviting someone who is interested in me. I just kinda lingered on it a little before thinking about it more and finally deciding to invite my best friend Anthony whom i hadn't seen in forever. Above all, I just didn't think it would make me feel comfotable having him there. It wasn't the right time or setting. I mean i haven't even hung out with Jay just the two of us. Anthony and i are amazing friends and we've hung out and gone out alone plenty of times. It just seemed to fit better if he was with me. Anthony got to my house around noon today but it wasn't until nearly 2 when we actually left. We went to a park in Lewisville. He was with us all day! We ate, talked...he got along well with everyone. His spanish is wonderful. He's learned alot and i could even say he's very close to being completely fluent. After the BBQ was over, we went to my aunt's house for a little while and we all talked and joked. I sat on the couch next to him and leaned my head on his shoulder. My brother later told me: "Oh, i saw you there cuddling with Anthony..." and i responded by saying: "That's nothing new...i always do that when we hang out or go to a movie together i always lean on him...i love him...he's my best friend". He didn't question me after that. It was a reasonable answer and i like being affectionate with my friends and i like to show them i care and there's nothing wrong with that.

He also finally got to see my family in action which is really something. They sure weren't shy about doing their impressions and jokes about things.
We all went out for ice cream too which was also nice.
During certain topics that came up, Anthony (without knowing he was compromising me) spilled the beans about our time in college when Anthony and i had a class together and i'd just not go to class that much. I tried playing it off like it wasn't true even though inside i was dying... At the time, dad would pay for my classes and my books so i didn't want him to know i was basically wasting his money away
especially with my little brother there. I think it registered all over my face that i was nervous. Damn. Anthony didn't know that noone in my family knew about my slight depression during college. I kept all that from them and the only people who really knew about it were Michael (a good friend from high school) and Anthony. It was all during the time where nothing had really made sense to me and i would just not go to class. I'd sit around on a bench and just cry. Sometimes i knew the reason why i'd cry and sometimes i just didn't. ***It wasn't until i got home just now that i stayed out with Anthony and told him that nobody knew about my depression and he apologized for blurting it out for my brother to hear. I tried to deny it but i know my brother isn't stupid.
Anthony left his car out front and after my parents went inside, i stayed out and chatted with him for a little. I hugged him like 5 times before finally saying goodnight and headed inside.
I missed him alot and when he got home, he told me he had been a little depressed yesterday and then he thanked me for an amazing day. I'm going to miss him if he goes to New York. He's also been thinking about going back to Los Angeles to be with his little brother instead but he's still not sure.
Whatever he decides i know he'll make it happen. So i had a good day and i'm glad i could contribute to him feeling better if it's possible. Sometimes it just feels nice to lean against a friend who cares for you as much as he cares for me. Inside, i know he still has feelings for me even though he won't admit it...but he still hints here and there -just not directly- but i can tell. We decided that we weren't going to let that ruin our friendship. Just because i didn't feel the same way about him as he did about me, doesn't mean we can't continue to be best friends.
He just said: "I missed you so much" and i knew he did...
And call me crazy, but when we were out there out front and he was hugging me, i could of sworn he wanted to kiss me just then.

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posted on 2011-01-29 @ 11:55 p.m.