Mooch and Earl Sunflower Style

Force.

I have a heavy heart because sometimes i still miss you so much. I'm not sure what you have over me or why in spite of it all i can't seem to yank these feelings from me. Maybe it pains me that you never came or that i never went but when i do think of you, i can't believe how we are now.
You'll always be the great love that i lost and that i'll never get over; even if i find myself happy with someone else, i don't know that anyone will occupy the place you had and still have even now.
It's foolish for me to think you still have any feelings left for me. You prove every day that you don't speak to me that you do not, so why have i allowed myself to keep going on with this grief?
I'm not done mourning your loss, and it feels like i lost you, just like if you had been taken from me by death. When someone dies, you know they're gone forever and there's no way you can ever have them back no matter how much you wish it. Only i know you're out there somewhere and that's kind of what hurts me so badly because i know you're alive and no matter how much i wish you were here, i don't know that you ever will be.
You're the furthest from me you've ever been and if i let you, i think you'll stray for good.
If you're wondering, yes i can move on. I'd have to at some point. I would.
I would have to let another man into my heart...i mean i don't want to be alone and i would do myself alot of harm if i let my love for you tear me to shreads on the inside, because like it or not, life has to go on no matter what im feeling inside.
It's a sad feeling when you have to go against what your heart is feeling. Forcing it to feel this and not that because of the circumtances you're in, settling for something more 'convinient' because it's right there. I hate that i have to force myself to not think about you.
I know, i told you i wanted to be friends and i would gladly be but we don't even talk but once every few months now (if we're lucky) and you told me you all you wanted from me was to be my friend because anything beyond that was doubtful. You said that. Clear as Day. So, what am i doing? You couldn't have been clearer. You don't want me anymore, i said i wanted to be friends and the reason i said it was because i know you're with Yoko and, well...what am i supposed to do...tell you NOT to be?
My feelings haven't changed, that's what it is. I'm still in love with you and this hasn't faded, not even a little.
What else is there left for me to do?
I have to force myself to not think so much, feel so much. I have to go agaist what my heart is feeling inside for you, because i have to. I have no choice... not anymore.

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posted on 2010-10-31 @ 1:19 a.m.