It'll be Okay.
Even though i did the application for this job online, i got a written one. It was a little extensive. I'm going up to Hutchins tomorrow to deliver it personally. I don't know if it'll go past that. They might just decide to interview me the same day. After that i have to go to my current job.
I'm uncertain as to how all of this is going to unfold or if i'm even going to get this or handle it well.
I don't want to screw anything up, but i don't want to let my concerns stop me from giving this a shot.

Timothy is just so far and he's been the only friend that has been there for me lately. Him moving to Korea for a year has thrown off our availability to talk. Even the simple complex of texting is difficult. I didn't tell him much about this job; just that i was putting in an application for it.

I used to go to Har for everything... All my worries and concerns i just wanted to tell him about. I think he's the one person i've told my personal things to, that not even my girlfriends knew. I don't know why i'm even writing about this either. I just remember never wanting to call another soul. Har was always the one i wanted to call. Aside from everything that developed, i felt like in the early bud of this, that he was the one that was most there for me.

I can't possibly even imagine how things will change a year from now either. Sometimes i wonder what things will develop and what things will die right in front of me. I couldn't possibly guess and the more i try to understand that thought, the more i feel like if i keep doing that, i'll end up more confused.

Certain things fill me with fear. I tend to fear the unknown. It's like going into a dark room. You don't know what will be there when you turn the light on but you want to take the chance because you want to find out what's there.

I always figured that no matter what came about, that somehow, someway i'd come out of situations and be okay. Certain trials aren't easy...they hurt like hell and believe me when i say that it gets hard to get through a single day sometimes.

Sooner or later you start missing certain conversations and the rich sound of thier voice letting you know that it'll be okay.

I can definately tell myself:
"it'll be okay..."

That's the remarkable thing about the strength we don't know we have. Until we're faced with something difficult and suddenly we have to cope out of necessity, we quickly realize that even though it feels to us like the world has ended, it clearly has only just kept spinning.

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posted on 2010-06-24 @ 8:43 p.m.