i'm worth it.
Mum always said i was worth absolutely everything. This was always said while i sat with half of my leg under the other on the couch bitting my nails. I'm not a nail bitter, but those conversations always made me nervous. It took some convincing for me to agree to this confrence shin-dig but she is gosh darn persuasive sometimes. This time she talked casually while i listened- also very casually. Stevie Ray was playing guitar on my iTunes so it was hard for me to fully concentrate on either of them.

She gave me some good points- some of which i had never stopped to think about before and i half smiled at her. She'd sit and then she'd stand and i'd just sit in my not-so-comfy chair with my arms crossed. Sometimes i'd bite my bottom lip and not look directly at her eyes because i knew she'd end up convincing me. My hair was down that night which is rare. I always have it up in a bun because i don't want to bother with it. Some days i'm actually in the mood, even if i don't go out with a friend and i let my hair down in those loose curls. That's how my hair looked. Mum said i looked even prettier because something in me had changed lately and i almost laughed.
You never really know if your mother is saying that because she's your mother or because she really means it.

The shin-dig was done. I agreed to it. I knew in some ways that i wasn't doing anyone any favors. I owed it to them to be the one that would break all language barriers and maybe i was a little bit responsible for bringing people here and shedding some light in their lives. I would look down during some pauses and my hair would get in my eyes, then i'd look up and there, looking at me were faces i knew and faces i didn't know. Then i'd look at Daniel and he'd smile at me. He has a quiet power about him and he doesn't even have to speak. You can see it in his eyes.
At dinner he said i should be a professional translator. Something in me tells me i should listen to him.

24 hours later, i have a wonderful car that i just bought. It's mine. I'm paying for it. My monthly payment is reasonable and even though my father doesn't have a job right now, we're not panicking.
I feel good. I came to the realization that i can have anything i want if my heart is in the right place. It took some time, but i got my car and it was worth the wait.
I'm worth it too.
Thinking about what recently happened with Jennelle and my Brother, it really got me thinking. It was her loss and her loss will be someone else's gain. She decided. It's a choice.
The same goes for myself.
I know i'm worth it.

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posted on 2010-03-07 @ 8:32 p.m.