i'm ready to start.
I cannot tell a lie. I absolutely love it that he finds me so sexy. Like somehow, i'm this untouchable sexy woman and only that one person can get me.
Aside from the fact that most of the time i don't feel attractive enough, it's amazing to know that he thinks so. I feel like sometimes i have to listen to songs like "Rythym of Love" or Def Leppard's "Tonight" to feel sexy because they do put me in the mood.

There are certain things about my body i don't like much, but either i can fix them or just learn to embrace them.
He seems to need more of me and i know that it's because he hasn't done anything with anyone else and that's just the way i want it to stay. I don't want him with another person emotionally or physically. The day he decides to fool around again will be the last straw for us because i will not put up with someone that can't ever be faithful to me. I want to be the only one in his life. It's getting closer to the five year mark and i just want him to make it here, to be here...with me even for a little while.
I'm kind of over the whole picture taking phase. I want something concrete. I have all these emotions and feelings inside of me and i want to act them out. I want to have him in front of me. I think he knows he has alot to prove and he knows how my family is and if he even wants to get anywhere with me, he has to gain their trust by coming here but first he has to come to the realization that he really does want me long term.
Some days he needs more than i am ready to give. This is new to me. sexually, i'm very inexperienced but i learn as i go and when it comes to certain couples or partners, i know each one is diffrent and he might be aroused by something completely diffrent than me.
I'm ready to start, if only he'd be willing to take that chance that i want from him.
Five years is right around the corner and i'm not even his girlfriend yet.

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posted on 2009-10-12 @ 3:21 p.m.