"just please be good..", i said.
"You can stop anytime...", i said.
"I love you so much...", i said.
"Be careful", i said.

I just wanted to be there with him and take him out of that bar. I would have given anything to just be in a room with him. All i could do was pray that he'd be safe and not do anything with anyone. That's what i worried about the most. I didn't want him having a one night stand, i didn't want to picture him breaking down from lack of sex.
Late into the night, i get a text from him. I kept opening my eyes every half hour anyway to make sure i didnt have a missed call or text from him.
I asked him how he felt, he told me he felt lonely, crappy.
Then i thought to myself: 'what was the whole point of the bar thing if at the end of it he was going to feel lonely.'
I knew the feeling though. I felt lonely sometimes too, but i had to handle it. the only thing that ever kept me going was his love, it was him. That's how i could bear it all. His love for me.I was always afraid that he would walk away from us because of the way things are and how we're long distance. At times i would lay awake and wonder about the day he'd realize i wasn't worth the effort anymore. There's this part of me that is constantly terrified when he goes away and then i feel like i don't breathe the entire time. Then, i turn around and he's there calling me and close my eyes and whisper "you came back to me..." To me, that usually means he still loves me, he still wants me and i must be doing something right because he always finds his way back to me, where he belongs.

I wanted to tell him so badly that he didn't have to feel alone, that he could be with me but i don't think i could have said that. He had to want to come to me and I felt helpless laying in my bed because i wanted to entangle myself in him, be there touching his skin with my fingers, burying myself in the heat.
When i asked him how he felt knowing that i loved him this much, he said he felt great until he started to doubt that i would actually love him if i was there.
The statement almost seemed silly considering everythin we've been through for the last 4 & a half years.
I know Daniel, his struggles, everything. I've been through it all and my love hasn't faded at all, not even a little.
The love i have for him makes me want to burst inside. It's so huge that i can't fit it all inside my body.

He must have fallen asleep sometime around late 4 in the morning because he stopped texting.

I hope that this love is enough to carry us towards whatever may come. When he tells me he loves me, my entire body reacts. I feel warmth all over. I'm so in love with him.

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