Seeing things the way they are, i don't know what i'm doing anymore. Any one can see how much everything he does means to me.
I don't think he knows how big something like that is.
The way he becomes distant, uncaring. It's almost scary. It leaves you with questions, doubt and this feeling that nothing to ever do is good enough.

I wonder why he runs, why he acts this way. why he won't give me his heart. It's insane how i'd still give him mine even after all the times he's dropped it without a fucking care.

Why do i do that anyhow? Why would i want to be with someone who lies, who can't seem to place what he feels into a solid action.
Such is the love i feel that i was willing to endure the heartache he constantly gave me because i believed or i desperately wanted to believe that he wasn't the person he has now become.

He constantly frustrates me. It's not because he won't come. That can be worked out somehow.
It breaks me in half, how odd his behavior is at times.
He won't speak to me for weeks, then out of the blue he says hello like no time has passed. At this point i'm so thrilled that he's talking to me that i don't care. I am once again soaked into him.

A few days into my bliss, he stops texting and calling, he stops returning my phone calls and i feel like an idiot again.
Why do i feel like an idiot?
Because i let him make me feel that way unintentional or not.

We both have a habit of driving eachother crazy in diffrent ways. I, the untouched virgin with a pretty face, legs and breasts and hair to match that he can't have.

Him, the guy that can't seem to stop lying, cheating. The guy that has been broken by others, and an identity crisis. A name that isn't his.

I can't say enough how much it bothers me that he's adopted this 'Daniel Fox' persona. I hate it. because that's not who he is.I can't stand to love a person that is so engulfed with another person. It's not fair, because we're never going to happen at all if he keeps acting this way.
It's exhausting trying to always find out what's wrong with him, what other things i can do to make him happy. No matter what i do, it's never enough. I'm not good enough.

He doesn't even tell me he loves me anymore. I can't even rememember the last time he called just to tell me he loved me. It seems like forever ago. It makes absolutely no sense to even miss that. I don't know if he'll ever be the same anymore. That same person who always called me to make sure i was okay, loved, making me feel like i was worth everything. Who would always pick up...and even if he couldn't, he'd call me back the same day.
I don't even know him anymore. This new Daniel.

I remember when we wouldn't talk for 4 days and he would already be texting me telling me he missed me and wondering why i hadn't called him yet.
That's how people are. They let love die, while mine is strong and on the point of breakage. You have no idea how it feels to be ignored by the person that means most to you. It makes you feel so stupid and unwanted.
Someone very intelligent told me last night that i wasn't just worth a trip to Dallas. This person said i was worth everything.

I still feel like an idiot. Sometimes i just don't get Daniel, but God, do i love him!

I just don't think he loves me like he claims. Everything he does just proves that he doesn't.

prev / next