I don't know if anyone else has ever experienced such a profound feeling of sadness like i did last night. I laid there on my stomach and rested my head on my arms and i sobbed. Once i cried myself out, i fell asleep.
At 8 this morning, i was feeling pain on the lower part of my stomach but i was too tired to get up. It kept nagging me and i thought to myself that it must be my time to start. I never keep track of it, i don't like to. I mean, it's not like i need to. I don't have sex, i'm perfectly healthy, and it's never been irregular. I thought about it a half hour or so and then got up to pee.

Yup. it came. By then, my stomach was hurting me so much. I hated this part. Now last night made alot more sense and why i was so darn emotional. Some months are diffrent. You just never know with my body's reactions. This time i was probably going to cry alot at everything. Spontaneous Crying...ugh... not the most lovely of things to experience during your path to womanhood. 12 years into this and i can't ever get used to it.

Slowly, i walked over to the kitchen and took out some instant chamomile tea and some honey. I heated some water for 2 minutes in the microwave then made the tea, took a pill and then i was as good as new in 20 minutes.
Thank God for remedies.

My skin feels warm and it's a nice change. I'm usually cold when i'm touched. I feel loose, like that tea had some kind of relaxing ingredient, but whatever that is, i feel so at ease. I still feel like crying. I just hope nothing triggers it because i could go on crying and i don't like people seeing me in tears. I prefer to cry alone when no one is watching. I hate feeling vulnerable in front of anyone.

I just leaned back, closed my eyes and rubbed my stomach. I imagined what it would be like to feel a baby inside me...moving. Unfortunately, my chair is very uncomfortable.

*inhales...*

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