That happened twice and after almost an hour of feeling like the world's imbecile, i hung up. I called another place and the manager there told me he'd push my application up and if he needed me, he'd call me right away.
Another place didn't even pick up and then the line went dead.

I was so upset after i found out that they had called for the position i really wanted and had been through hell to get recommended for. I called Gaby's mother and asked her to tell Gaby to check for me because i was really hoping/counting for this opportunity and she said she would talk to her about it but she also told me that if i didn't get it, that i was going to find work somewhere else and i remember wanting to almost laugh because 'somewhere else' wasn't working out either and at this rate, i'd still be broke, only just another year older and more desperate.

Mom tries to help, but she's OCD about it and it annoys the crap out of me and i leave her because watching her face makes me feel even more nervous.

I can't stand more crying and when Tony calls to check up on me, i don't even want to talk to him because i just feel like thinking to myself. Last night i was telling him about Erika and how she mentioned that Chicago would be in town at Nokia Theatre and i almost flipped because i had no idea they were here and when i mentioned it to Tony, he said: "I can get you tickets to Chicago."

just like that... as if had asked him to.
I said: "You don't even LIKE Chicago. Besides, They're so mellow, 70's and romantic and i know you don't really like that. I got you to like Journey but not Chicago.."

He said it didn't matter, that he had heard of Chicago but i didn't really buy that. Besides, he wouldn't know any of the songs and i'd want to go with someone who liked the band.
I guess i was just low, or he wasn't the appropriate friend i should have been talking to about any of this. He had me listening to some Rap song that i couldn't even understand the words to and he wanted me to translate the words, but i didn't want to. The music was loud against my ear and i became distracted. Eminem was playing and he kept saying "Oh my god, this song is so tight!" and i had nothing to say about it. Emimen was was as bitter as he was awful.
I told him i was tired, but he didn't want to hang up because he was wired on rap songs and he wanted to keep talking about them.
I got over my Chicago disapointment and then hung up the phone.

He tells me i need to set a date so we can hang out again but my mind is elsewhere, i would be focusing on other things, and besides, right now i just want to focus on myself and getting through this work shit that's got me spinning. It's all i can ever think about.
I can't wait to figure out what exactly i'm going to choose so i can go back to school, pay my own way and get my own place soon...hopefully with Sarah.

I don't know if its a little too late to pray the way ive been doing it so far.
Sometimes i lean against the wall & shut my eyes.

It's so hard.

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